[NEWS] Surprise! Cow Boris News.

It has been an extremely long time, but ladies and gentlemen let me tell you.. it was worth it. I have gone through changes. I have overcome obstacles. I have created obstacles for others. I have seen the future and it is good.

After 6 aborted attempts, I have finally completed my masterpiece. At once delicate, kind, frail, loving, remorseful, and slightly beige - "Human Head Pizza" is finally finished.

What does this mean for you? It means less money for you, as you will purchase it soon.

JANUARY 23RD

Yes. January 23rd is the date of its release. Years have gone in to the making of this record. Sweat, lots of sweat. Tears, three tears. Along the way, a great drummer named Bookworm has gone missing - and is still missing to this very day. I had to play the drums myself because of this travesty. How could he disappear? I will never understand it.

Welcome to the new year. Welcome to the new Cow Boris. The new Dead Yeti. The first Dead Yeti product in over 12 years will be released on JANUARY 23RD. A sigh of relief will be felt across the planet.

A couple weeks ago, the promotionary vehicles began. I launched my Official MySpace Page, to keep up with the current trends. Next week, WWW.COWBORIS.COM will be launched. And there are many more surprises to come. You don't want to miss any of this.

Light a candle and say a prayer for Bookworm. Light a candle and do a dance come January 23rd. More news very soon. Or when it happens.

[BREAKING NEWS] Metal Maniac Strives for Greatness; Dies

It is with a heavy heart that we must report famed former Dead Yeti guitarist Metal Maniac has passed away. CNN.com announced the story early this morning; more information can be found here: http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/deadyeti/04/16/maniac.yeti.hollywood/index.html.

Last night around midnight, Metal Maniac scaled the great Hollywood Hills to forever change history. His mission: to change the legendary "Hollywood" sign to read "Yetiland," reports say. He had made it as far as "Yetilan-" when he lost his grip and fell to his death.

Friendless Jim, who witnessed the fall - and encouraged the deed in the first place - notes that Metal Maniac was wearing a t-shirt bearing the logo of early '90s Houston homocore band Social Rupture. As Mr. Maniac plunged to his death, he could be heard yelling, "Kolby Kettler is a heavy mettler." Metal Maniac was 73.

Metal Maniac: 1932-2005

[NEWS] Christmas Single Released

Cow Boris has just released his Christmas Single, a cover of the famous Christmas song, "Silent Night." In an email from Dead Yeti World Headquarters earlier today, he stated:

_________________________
I feel haven’t done enough for the fans this year. I have squandered my time away at the estate, drinking buttery nipples and watching Full House endlessly. Ah, I have thought time and time again about completing my solo album, Human Head Pizza, but I never really felt any of you were really ready for it.

Yes, I’ve read your letters, and I see that I may be wrong. I see that you all may be just about ready for the impending release of the album. And I may just be about ready to promise it to you. I also promise to you to keep you peasants all better informed through the use of theyetidrone.com.

With a new year, comes reflection. Here at the Dead Yeti World Headquarters, we too are in a bit of reflection. We decided that we would give you, our faithful masses, a Christmas Single. Lots of bands do that for their fans, and we decided that maybe we should do something for our fans, for just once.
So, in anticipation of the 2005 release of my solo album – Human Head Pizza – I give you all my stirring rendition of the timeless Christmas classic, “Silent Night.”
http://www.exitproductions.com/sn.mp3

Enjoy, and have a pleasant Christmas and New Year.


Peaches,

Cow Boris
_______________________

In related news, the official Dead Yeti website has changed to www.deadyeti.com

[NEWS] Merchandise Flows In, New Songs Trickle In, Chris Henderson Tinkles

To gear up for mid-March's SXSW Music Festival in Austin, Texas, the Dead Yeti camp had quite a bit of new merchandise seen around town. By quite a bit we mean a sticker and a button promoting the up-coming Cow Boris album, "Human Head Pizza."

"You can stick those things anywhere, man. They are really great, you peel the back off and then you have this piece of like thin rubber with Cow's name on it and the album title and everything. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. Just another reason why I strongly believe that Dead Yeti is kind of like the Japan of music promotion. Someone told me they are called stickers which again, Christ. Just forward-thinking," The Dickless Cowboy was overheard saying during SXSW as he danced in a conga line outside the club Exodus.

In other news, the 3rd song for the upcoming Cow Boris solo album has been finished.

"It's actually old lyrics set to new music. The lyrics were never used. They were co-written by our old friend MC Powers back in 1992 or so. He was great, he wrote the words to Tweety, My Grandmother Likes to Roll Joints, and The Day the Postman Passed Away, three fucking classics. It's a shame what happened to him," Boris said.

When asked what happened to MC Powers, Boris said, "I told you already, a shame. A shame happened to him."

I Just Do Things is the title of the new song, which Boris says is about, "a guy who just does things."

On a related front, Chris Henderson was spotted tinkling in public last Wednesday outside a Houston Vietnamese restaurant and Human Head Pizza is scheduled for a July 2004 release.

[NEWS] Cow Boris Looking for "South by SouthEXCITEMENT"

Cow Boris has stated early Friday morning that he is anxiously awaiting South by Southwest, his home town of Austin's annual music and film festival in March.

"I just want nothing but pure South by SouthEXCITEMENT! I have never been a solo artist in this town while this festival is going on, and I just want to feel the adrenaline from all the good vibes, man! Also, I wanted to let you all know that I am totally joking.

"But really, I am excited to have the opportunity to share the stage with such legends as Bob Schneider and maybe Willie Nelson or the Polyphonic Spree. I will be attending all of the parties throughout the week, and am excited to meet as many of my fans as I can. I also look forward to the 60,000 tourists from other parts of the world and the ensuing traffic shitclogger that comes with this week. It's also awesome how people fuck up our city and act like total assholes this whole week; it's an amazing thing to witness, I would recommend it to anyone."

Mr. Boris went on to state that if anyone was looking for a free show with him performing, to please let him know and he will gladly play any party or event for free during the South by Southwest week. Boris also released a new bio, that he had planned to submit to South by Southwest for his entry to the festival, but for unknown reasons, pulled out of applying just days before applications were due. The bio is as follows:

COW BORIS
---------------
Cow Boris founded legendary Houston punk band Dead Yeti in 1990,
sifting through 28 members and reforming twice over a 13 year period.
Upon the disappearance of Dead Yeti's drummer, Mr. Boris decided to put
the band on hiatus and focus on his long-awaited solo album, "Human
Head Pizza."

A five-year winner for Best Houston Vocalist (Dead Yeti was a 4 time
winner for Best Houston Band), Cow Boris is no stranger to critical
acclaim, and is excited to be the Saturday night headliner at the
Austin Music Hall during South by Southwest. "It's really an honor that
they want me to play period," Mr. Boris said from his palacial Austin
estate. "Hopefully they can fill out the bill with Bob Schneider or
Willie Nelson. I think it's what the people want, and I guess that is
important."

"Human Head Pizza" deals with themes of loss ('Bloodbath Birdcage'),
suffering ('Tracheautomatic Nutball'), and obsession ('You Know Where
You Can Put That Meat [Meat]'), through 10 songs that run the musical
gamut of classical to baby music.

Absurdist Punk for the new millenium. Dead Yeti proudly presents Mr.
Cow Boris.

[NEWS] Friendless Jim Casts the First Stone; Cow Boris Casts Second

Friendless Jim has removed The Yetidrone's link from his website, sources tell us. Apparently Friendless Jim was "cleaning up [his] template" and decided that The Yetidrone no longer fit in with his brand of androgynous law drivel his website opines.

Cow Boris asked Friendless Jim to please replace the link on his page, as Mr. Boris has kept the link to Friendless Jim's site since The Yetidrone's inception. Mr. Jim responded with a exuberant, "Of course I will replace it, I didn't even know I had deleted it."

Mr. Boris has issued this statement:

"Friendless Jim has cast the first stone. He bold-faced lied to me yesterday when he stated he would reinstate the link to The Yetidrone on his website. He was trying to get rid of me. He told me, 'I don't have time for this silliness.' Friendless Jim is a 'lawyer.' Friendless Jim has become a mocking, hypocritical, selfish, womanly version of his old self, and I, along with the other readers of jdedman.com, are fed up."

Mr. Boris went on to state hints of his plan to "topple the kingdom of Jim," which will soon "be known by all."

More on this as it unfolds.

[COMMENTARY] Mr. Tambourine Head's Return

I don't know how I feel about this, honestly. He's done this before. Popped up, only to forsake us yet again.

Ah yes, friends. Recall the spring of 1992. April to be exact. I still have the letters, citing reasons for departure: Helena, Miya, all the old dreck - but never stating the real reasons of his leaving: the real two girlfriends, the wenches known as Friendless Jim and Danless Loyd.

But alas! Spring of 1993! Mr. Tambourine Head cowers back to the fold. We welcome him, surely. I remember a slouched over Tambourine Head at the bar at Zelda's, berated by Incest. "Dude, you are crazy for leaving after this show. What is wrong with you? Are you afraid of success?"

I was summoned up to talk to him shortly after. I tried the same sort of berating. And to no avail. Mr. Tambourine Head, are you really so mean?

It was a sad day indeed, as the populace witnessed Dead Yeti move from their roots into a seedy pit of speed metal and long hair. Oh the fame came in by the avalanches, but was it all worth it?

Mr. Tambourine Head, was it worth it to you? To be torn between 2 girlfriends (Helena and Miya) and simultaneously between 2 girls (Friendless and Danless)? All that for what, for the continuation and fingers-crossed-success of bodymindsoul? Or was it Indecision? Dark Harmony? Two Weeks Time? Or the real whore of them all, the Memorial High School Jazz Band?

Oh me. It's all a blur; all the smoky nights, the adulation of crowds and the relentless attack of sunburst Les Pauls. Where do we go from here?

Are you sure you're ready, Mr. Tambourine Head? Are you sure you can come back and face the Yeti? We hope so. We hope so.



Mr. Tambourine Head circa 1992

[NEWS] I Have Returned From Ten Years of Deep, Deep Sleep

Below is a transcript of Mr. Tambourine Head's first words after exiting the de-animation chamber:

"
Whaaa? Where am I? TWO THOUSAND WHAT?! What's going on? Last thing I remember, the Rockets had just won their second championship, everyone was doing the Macarena, and Clinton had just...really? Didn't Clinton beat him in '92? HIS SON? huh. Well, as long as my stocks are okay...WHAT?!!?

Sure, I'll give it a listen. "Tracheautomatic Nutball"? Nice title, asshole. Why don't you just call it "Squishball II: What You Get When You Break No Rules, But End All Your Titles In 'Ball'"?

Hmm. Catchy. Danceable. Wait a minute...that voice...heavenly...oh, mercy me!

My friends, after my (apparently) long sleep, I have seen the future of music. And it is the new Cow Boris album.

And don't call it a comeback. I've been here for years.
"

He then fell to the ground in a fetal position, muttering to himself.

[NEWS] Incest Does Not Call Cow Boris Back After Cow Boris Called Incest Back

Incest called Cow Boris last Wednesday, and Cow Boris didn't get around to calling him back until Friday. Incest appears to be showing Cow Boris exactly what he thinks of his late response by not calling him back at all.

"It's cool, I can take it. He's making a statement. I'm mature, I can handle it. I'm not going to get upset about it, if that's what you think," Mr. Boris said. "I mean yeah, I'm upset. I've cried a little, but I'm not THAT upset. He just needs time, I understand."

Incest could not be reached for comment.

[NEWS] Cow Boris Unveils Second Track From Forthcoming Album

Cow Boris has unveiled the lyrics and the "almost-finished-demo" for the second song on his soon-to-be-released solo album, "Human Head Pizza." You can download 'You Know Where You Can Put That Meat (Meat)' for free by click the link. And the words... oh the words.

You Know Where You Can Put That Meat (Meat)
There are things that you don't know
There is meat wherever you go
Get that meat away from me
I don't want to see your dirty meat
I don't want to see your dirty meat

You know where you can put that meat (meat)

You keep it in your car, that's no place for meat
You keep it on the couch, that's no place for meat
Keep it in the freezer, that's where it belongs
Every other place, now that's just wrong
I've said it before, I'll say it again:
Pants are no place for dirty meat

You know where you can put that meat (meat)

[NEWS] MP3 Posted From New Cow Boris Album

'Tracheautomatic Nutball' is the first song off the forthcoming Cow Boris album, "Human Head Pizza," and Cow Boris has graciously offered the readers of The Yetidrone the opportunity to download it for free right now. Cow Boris also extends his deepest thanks to all The Yetidrone readers and Dead Yeti fans.

Cow Boris would also like to send a call for any interested guitarists, bassists and drummers to contact him via the messageboard or via his personal email, cowboris@deadyeti.org, if they are interested in being in the Cow Boris band. Shows are being lined up for early 2004. Cow Boris also wanted to say that if Incest and [New Guy] are interested in playing as the bassist and guitarist, he would say it is okay.

[NEWS] Cow Boris Unveils Lyrics to New Song; Defies Incest Post

Cow Boris, hard at work on his upcoming solo album "Human Head Pizza," has granted The Yetidrone permission to display the lyrics from the first track on the album, 'Tracheautomatic Nutball.' An mp3 will be available this weekend, as well. Without further ado, the first words from a Dead Yeti product in 9 years:

Tracheautomatic Nutball
Brush your teeth
and go to bed,
but don't forget
you gots to eat

Slap yourself
and lick the meatball,
Chinese food
rots on the shelf

You obey only one nutball,
Mr. Tracheautomatic Nutball

Call your friends way out west,
don't forget about Incest.

Tell them all the good news,
between you and nutball, you will lose.

You obey only one nutball,
Mr. Tracheautomatic Nutball

There are things that you will learn
When the nutball comes along
Forget your mom, forget your dad
Nutball's the best that you've ever had
You got no choice but to obey
Mr. Tracheautomatic Nutball

You obey only one nutball,
Mr. Tracheautomatic Nutball


In other news, Cow Boris denied any involvement with Incest in 'Nam, stating that the bassist must have been alluding to the time he saved his ass in the South Dakota club 'Wam!'

"Yeah, he saved me when we were in 'Wam!," Boris said. "That was different though. I think Incest is refering to some war or something. I was never in a war though. Just in a club in Dakota. I oughtta get back to Dakota real soon. Real soon."

[GOSSIP] Incest Incensed at Cow Boris "Riff Comments"

Crack LA paparazzi spotted Incest in intense "Yeti Film" discussions with Steven Spielberg yesterday at an undisclosed Hollywood restaurant. Concerning Cow Boris' contentious "riff comments," Incest was heard to remark "I'm incensed."

According to our sources, Spielberg plied him for details, seemingly interested in possible subplots for the upcoming, as yet unnamed "Yeti Film."

"When I was in 'Nam with Boris," Incest elaborated, "my riffs saved that boy's life. And this is the thanks I get! We'll see if any Boris riffs show up on the Incest solo debut . . . or even Boris playing Incest riffs!"

Spielberg seemed concerned about a possible Yeti-rift, but Incest assured him all would eventually work out: "My lawyers will have his lawyers' asses for breakfast." Spielberg seemed interested in including the 'Nam incident in the forthcoming "Yeti Film," but wanted to set it in the near future on a faraway planet populated with giant talking ostriches. Incest was heard to respond favorably to this suggestion: "Show me the money!"

[BREAKING NEWS] Cow Boris Working On Long-Awaited Solo Album

The solo-album that Cow Boris began almost 4 years ago, "Human Head Pizza," has resumed recording.

The record includes tracks that will be played by Dead Yeti upon location of their missing drummer, Bookworm.

"I started this record before Dead Yeti got back together a few years back. I played one solo show around that time and showcased a few of these tracks, but they weren't really fleshed out then. I think I played 'Human Head Pizza,' 'You Know Where You Can Put that Meat,' and 'Happy Birthday to Fatty.' I'll have to find the original master tapes of the demos so I can figure out how these songs go again. They are really complex, all in like some crazy 4/4 time, major chords and shit," Boris commented from his Texas studio Wednesday afternoon.

At press time, Boris was just laying down vocal tracks, in hopes of recording the music later.

"I wanted to try something new this time, just sing and then try to put the music to the lyrics. I think it will give the vocals a less constrained, less tainted feel that I think a lot of the Yeti records have been stifled by. Either that or it will be really messy and out of time and key, which a lot of the Yeti records have been stifled by as well. Whatever."

Boris was a little ambiguous when talking about the possible guest appearances on the album.

"I don't want to give a lot away. The whole band might play on it, but most likely it will be just me. The people don't want to hear an Incest riff on a Boris solo album, I can tell you that right now. They either want to hear Boris riffs on Boris albums, or Incest maybe playing Boris riffs on Boris albums. They don't want Boris jams on Incest blings either. Ya dig? I might have this new kid who does what he calls (mouth play) on it; this new kid Goodsy McEnglish might be on the record, but I don't know yet."

Incest has yet to comment on the solo record, but [New Guy] thinks it is good press for Dead Yeti.

"I can't wait until it comes out. It basically just means more songs for us to play, and more product for the fans to enjoy. It's still going to come out on our label, Igneous Rock Music; it's not like he's going Sony on your ass," [New Guy] said.

"Human Head Pizza," the latest Dead Yeti-related release since 1994, should be available in December.
Possible tracks:
- Human Head Pizza
- The Funny Laugh Lemonade
- Happy Birthday (to) Fatty
- You Know Where You Can Put That Meat
- Slip and Slide
- Tracheautomatic Nutball
- If You Love Me, Just Stop
- The Sandwich You Learn to Eat
- Bloodbath Birdcage

[NEWS] Cow Boris Addicted to Weird Breakfast; Chris Henderson Concerned

Cow Boris has become addicted to fizzy grapefruit drinks and bagels with "weird shit" on them, a source close to the group says.

Chris Henderson, the band's former keyboard bassist, expressed serious concern on Fox News late Tuesday night for Mr. Boris's problem.

"The bagels were one thing, but he just isn't the same since he found these fizzy grapefruit drinks. They frankly turn him into a monster. He was so gentle. So, so gentle," Chris Henderson stated.

"I can't believe that jackass would delegate them down to just 'fizzy grapefruit drinks,'" Boris retaliated. "Yeah, it might be a problem, but it's a problem I enjoy. And Jesus, they aren't just 'fizzy grapefruit drinks.' It started with a drink from Jamaica called Ting. It was just something I tried when we were last on tour there. I liked it so much, I had them ship 24 cases of it back to America with me. Ting led me to find the new line of drinks made by Izze, and they had a great sparkling grapefruit beverage. I bought the company a couple weeks ago, and feel like a better person because of it. The bagels, well I can't explain the bagels; they have weird green things and fried cheese all over it. They are just fucking weird and I think Chris Henderson may be justified in his concern regarding that, but dammit son. don't call my drinks 'fizzy grapefruit drinks' - I'm not some chick or something."

[NEWS] Yetidrone Format Changes

The Yetidrone format has changed, a spokesperson for Dead Yeti told us earlier this morning.

The subject line of each post will be pre-empted by a description word in brackets, letting the reader know if it's a sporadic post by a member of the Dead Yeti conglomerate ([POST]), if it's a valid news item ([NEWS]), a column ([COLUMN]), or commentary on the uprising of neofeminism in Pakistan and its sociopolitical effects on the economy ([COMMENTARY ON THE UPRISING OF NEOFEMINISM IN PAKISTAN AND ITS SOCIOPOLITICAL EFFECTS ON THE ECONOMY]).