[NEWS] Cow Boris Addicted to Weird Breakfast; Chris Henderson Concerned
Cow Boris has become addicted to fizzy grapefruit drinks and bagels with "weird shit" on them, a source close to the group says.
Chris Henderson, the band's former keyboard bassist, expressed serious concern on Fox News late Tuesday night for Mr. Boris's problem.
"The bagels were one thing, but he just isn't the same since he found these fizzy grapefruit drinks. They frankly turn him into a monster. He was so gentle. So, so gentle," Chris Henderson stated.
"I can't believe that jackass would delegate them down to just 'fizzy grapefruit drinks,'" Boris retaliated. "Yeah, it might be a problem, but it's a problem I enjoy. And Jesus, they aren't just 'fizzy grapefruit drinks.' It started with a drink from Jamaica called Ting. It was just something I tried when we were last on tour there. I liked it so much, I had them ship 24 cases of it back to America with me. Ting led me to find the new line of drinks made by Izze, and they had a great sparkling grapefruit beverage. I bought the company a couple weeks ago, and feel like a better person because of it. The bagels, well I can't explain the bagels; they have weird green things and fried cheese all over it. They are just fucking weird and I think Chris Henderson may be justified in his concern regarding that, but dammit son. don't call my drinks 'fizzy grapefruit drinks' - I'm not some chick or something."
Chris Henderson, the band's former keyboard bassist, expressed serious concern on Fox News late Tuesday night for Mr. Boris's problem.
"The bagels were one thing, but he just isn't the same since he found these fizzy grapefruit drinks. They frankly turn him into a monster. He was so gentle. So, so gentle," Chris Henderson stated.
"I can't believe that jackass would delegate them down to just 'fizzy grapefruit drinks,'" Boris retaliated. "Yeah, it might be a problem, but it's a problem I enjoy. And Jesus, they aren't just 'fizzy grapefruit drinks.' It started with a drink from Jamaica called Ting. It was just something I tried when we were last on tour there. I liked it so much, I had them ship 24 cases of it back to America with me. Ting led me to find the new line of drinks made by Izze, and they had a great sparkling grapefruit beverage. I bought the company a couple weeks ago, and feel like a better person because of it. The bagels, well I can't explain the bagels; they have weird green things and fried cheese all over it. They are just fucking weird and I think Chris Henderson may be justified in his concern regarding that, but dammit son. don't call my drinks 'fizzy grapefruit drinks' - I'm not some chick or something."
