Today's Breakfast

I drank waaaaay too many buttery nipple shots last night and had to go to work early this morning, so I had breakfast delivered to me. I ordered The Vito from Jimmy John's. I also ordered an 'extra load of meat on the side' and an 'extra load of avocado on the side.' I ate it all and threw away the wrapper when I finished.

Boz Announces Cow Boris Has Two Siblings

An interesting twist to this story, when Boz announced early this morning that I apparently have two siblings. I had always assumed I was an only child, but it now sorta makes sense. I do not buy it that Cacoa Pulp is his daughter (making her my sister) though - but I am definitely in agreement that HotDamn Doyle is my brother. I am very glad to have found him. Thank you, Boz/dad.

Boz Tries to Think of Them All; Fails to Think of Them All

Boz, my father/ex-bandmate, has tried to formulate a list of who should replace the late John Ritter on his prime-time television show "8 Ways To Screw My Teenage Daughters or Whatever," yet fails to mention either of the since-unemployed dads from "My Two Dads." I seriously have to wonder if this is actually a blood-relative of mine. The jury is still out, and [New Guy], Dead Yeti's guitarist, is still thinking.

Boz Confused by Fatherhood/Band Member Allegations; Cow Boris Distraught

It seems Boz didn't know what to make of my realizations yesterday that he is either my father or an ex-member of Dead Yeti. He may have eliminated the ex-member reasoning himself, by declaring that if he wasn't my father, he would have been the "shy, but serious bass player." Now I know we have had a lot of bass players, a lot of them are very serious individuals, but never have any of them been serious bass players. We had one serious bass player but he went missing several years back - and he didn't look anything like Boz. I also couldn't decipher whether or not he was asking Stu Sutcliffe to try to think about which it could be or what. I think that's what he meant though, so Stu Sutcliffe, please try to think about this issue for us. The fate of us all hangs in the balance. Breakfast: another one of those weird-ass bagels and a bottle of Hansen's Green Tea Energy Water, shortly followed by 9 Spicy Wasabi Chips.

Cow Boris May Have Found Father

I can't believe it. I may have finally found my real father. I am not 100% sure though, but it really seems like it. He's either my real father or he used to be in Dead Yeti, I'm not sure. My mission for the next week or so will be to figure out which one he is, because he is one of those two options. I will let you know. Oh and breakfast today was one and one half tacos from Chango's.

Today's Breakfast

0.40 lb of half-price chicken salad
One bottle of Hansen's Kiwi-Strawberry Energy Water

Today's Breakfast

One weird-ass bagel - it has like poppy seeds and fried cheese on it
One bottle of Dasani water

Cow Boris Very Excited About New Colorful $20 Bills; Incest Indifferent

I read this today, and I can't even begin to talk to you all about my elation. This is something the USA has always needed - a colorful $20 bill. On October 9th, banks can send armored trucks to a Federal Reserve bank to get a stash of the new notes, and I think I'm going to do the same. It really makes you wonder how us as citizens, members or fans of Dead Yeti, have gone on so long without a colorful $20 dollar bill. Especially a $20 dollar bill that has the magnificent patriotic colors of peach, blue and yellow.

I talked to Incest about this new $20 dollar bill, and he really didn't seem to care one way or the other about it, which I find a bit appalling. He commented, "Why just the $20? Is the Federal Reserve a bunch of billists? Just choosing the $20 and not taking into consideration the feelings of the $5, the $10, the $1? The $50? The $100? What about the $2, which has been shafted as long as it has been in circulation? I really could care less. And this whole bit about it being the most secure bill ever. That's just great - make all the other insecure bills feel even WORSE. I gave up my adulation of the Federal Reserve a long time ago, once they started releasing those dinky U.S. state quarters. Man, don't even get me started about that horseshit."

Dead Yeti Found On Internet Movie Database?!

What the hell is this shit. First off, I don't even know this guy, secondly, there is no way we could ever be in the IMDB. We are not movie-friendly, and we are especially not friendly with this guy. "Lane 13" wasn't even a real song. You know the story. L-A-N-E - LANE. Sure, we may have recorded "Lane 13," but it wasn't real. And I don't know if you've seen If It Bleeds We Can Kill It: The Making of 'Predator', but if you have, you would know it isn't a film we would ever associate ourselves with.

Who the hell is Daniel Loyd and why are we in his bio?

Pig Gestalt

Due to pressure from rabid fans and the reinstatement of The Yetidrone, Incest has decided to resume writing his column, "pig gestalt" -- here is the most recent installment, do with it as you will.

Pig Gestalt '03

(a column by Incest)

Conundrum politics maintain even keel. Focus on forgetting
in order to avoid disappointment (and vote wisely). When
watching televideon, remember arsineon hallotember fault
lines in holocaust saltpeter to calm indignant traumameters.
Also, wear orange-tinted goggles.

Those with allegorical allergies would do well to use a just
brolly in sot hunshine and only walk on the left side of the
street, I mean the right. Seeing-eye gods leading the blind,
reading the spines of burnt bound volumes of empty rhymes,
can shine their mime riddles on another hood, ya dig.

In the meantime: batten down the hatches and
Pollocks up the daisies, it's going to be a long winter:

"...and when the Yeti get to painin',
then the good Lord send the rain in,
and drown that poor ole sasquatch
'til he's singing songs for Satan."

Dead Yeti Newspaper The Yetidrone Returns

"The Yetidrone" was Dead Yeti's newsletter throughout their career, and it has recently been brought back to life in "Blog" form by Cow Boris.

All the old columns will be back, posted at Mr. Boris's convenience. He will also be posting sporadically general thoughts and random commentary.

"This really gives me an opportunity to connect with the fans," Boris said on Monday. "I was in therapy for the past 8 years trying to figure out what it was I was lacking in my life, and it finally just dawned on my therapist that The Yetidrone hasn't been around since 1995 - he put 2 and 2 together, and decided the only way to really fulfill that void for me would be to bring it back. I gotta get a new therapist. For him to take 8 fucking years to realize that is just ridiculous."

All the news updates that used to come through the Yahoo Groups website will now be available through The Yetidrone. The Yetidrone will be updated many times daily, and can be viewed at http://www.exitproductions.com/dy/blog/blogger.html for the time being. Mr. Boris hopes to purchase theyetidrone.com to simplify your lives.

www.deadyeti.org

Dead Yeti Found on Webpage

[originally posted 7/10/2003]

Dead Yeti was found mentioned this morning on a Houston politically- slanted web page. Apparently said web page is a "blog," where basically the webmaster posts his/her own random thoughts, commentaries, and raves freely. This webmaster had posted a commentary a couple days ago that apparently was linked by a more popular blog and in turn received thousands of views. The webmaster goes on to mention how not all of the comments he received were for the initial piece, but one was from an alleged "camp counselor" of Cow Boris. You can find the piece here:
http://www.jdedman.com/weblog/2003_07_06_archive.html#105781834788944271

We caught up with Cow Boris who was lounging in his spacious Austin estate early Thursday morning and asked him about the counselor.

"Do you honestly believe any of that?" Boris replied. "It sounds like either a hokey Dead Yeti fan trying to be funny or a friend of mine playing a joke. My favorite lines: 'I had the lead singer as a camper' - I have *never* been camping - much less with some North Carolina dude lawyer. I don't camp with dude lawyers. "One of the best campers I had" - so apparently this dude assaults a lot of campers (and not in the good way). Do you really think I would get mixed up in a perverted situation like that? Come on now, leave me alone. I have 10 more Buttery Nipples to drink before Growing Pains
comes on TV."

More on this as it unfolds.

Dead Yeti in Hiding; Bookworm Missing

[originally posted 5/20/2003]

Austin, TX/Houston, TX supergroup Dead Yeti officially announced on Monday that they are going in to hiding. This news comes on the eve of their announcement that co-founding member Bookworm is missing.

"We're hiding because they almost found us," Incest said from his Houston apartment on Monday. "We just can't let this happen."

When asked about Bookworm's disappearance, Incest stated that the entire band "misses him dearly, and wishes he would join us in hiding." Cow Boris added, "We can't make him do what we want, but we really want him to come home. It's really hard for us to go on like this."

More news as things develop.

Dead Yeti Houston Show Cancelled

[originally posted 11/14/2002]

What was to be the reunion show for Dead Yeti, the first time the infamous art-rock-clown-punk band had taken the stage together in 8 years, has unfortunately been cancelled. Fitzgerald's, the club in Houston where the show was to take place this Friday, November 15th, realized that they booked one too many bands for that night - and since Dead Yeti was the last act to sign on the bill, they were asked to withdraw.

"It's kinda ridiculous," Dead Yeti singer Cow Boris said as he was brushing his teeth on Monday. "They owe us a lot more than we owe them. I have a feeling I know why we were dropped from the bill, and it's really stupid reasoning. Last time we played there things went a little crazy - so I broke 3 of their microphones and lit the stage on fire. So we had 400 people show up at the beginning and they all left before we were finished playing. So what? It's obvious to me Fitzgerald's owes not only Dead Yeti, but they owe the fans."

Dead Yeti was a fixture at Fitzgerald's through the early to mid 1990s, performing there over 500 times within a 4 year span. The last show was in August of 1994 and was billed as Dead Yeti, but was actually only Cow Boris from the band, as the rest of the band had quit only days before the show. Cow Boris hired an entourage of 10 other musicians and one guy in a cape with a baseball bat, and took the stage as Dead Yeti featuring Dying Demon - chaos ensued, as the band proceeded to romp through one 60 minute song, with no pauses. 2 drummers, 6 guitarists, 2 bassists, Cow Boris on vocals and a guy in a cape with a baseball bat running through the audience.

3 microphones were broken, Cow Boris's ladyfriend doused the bat in lighter fluid, lit it, and gave it to Boris which accidentally caught part of the stage curtain on fire as he was swinging it around wildly. Rumor has it that Cow Boris was told he would never play in Houston ever again - which he hasn't, except for two open-mics.

"I'm kinda relieved, actually," bassist Incest said. "The lyrics for the new songs aren't complete yet and someone told me that my epidermis has been showing a lot lately, and I'm trying to get that taken care of. We'll be rescheduling in December and hopefully add some Austin shows as well."

When asked about his feelings on the cancellation, [New Guy], the band's guitarist questioned the whole concept.

"What the hell are you talking about? I never even knew we had a show booked at Fitzgerald's, much less that it has been cancelled. So I guess that leaves me back where I thought we were. I'm looking forward to meeting our singer, Cow Boris, and the idea of playing a show sounds great. Hopefully we won't get cancelled again, I guess."

Dead Yeti Says No to SU

[originally posted 9/20/2002]

Dead Yeti has pulled out of peforming at Southwestern University's 2002 homecoming in October.

"We kind of assumed we were the only act playing, and when we found out she was going to be playing as well, Bookworm couldn't handle it," Incest, DY's bassist, said.

Award-winning Austin singer-songwriter Marcia Ball has agreed to perform at homecoming and apaprently this sparked some disinterest in DY.

"I can't be around her. She is very nice, she plays great music, but I can't be around her or else I break out in hives, and not the good kind either," Bookworm, the band's drummer, said.

A different take on the situation is present by lead singer, Cow Boris.

"We were never really asked to play in the first place. I just kind of assumed we would be playing, but it really tops it off that they'd ask Marcia, considering Bookworm's issues with her. They knew we were going to play; it's really disheartening that we would have to pull out of this - we hate having to do this to all our fans in Georgetown, Texas," Boris said.

"I never knew anything about us playing at Southwestern. I don't even know where that is," [New Guy], the group's guitarist, added.

Dead Yeti Returns

[originally posted 9/18/2002]

After an 8 year hiatus, Houston's great Dead Yeti returns to the very stage they started out on more than 10 years ago - Fitzgerald's in Houston, Texas.

November 15th, 2002 will bring Dead Yeti back to the downstairs stage at Fitzgerald's in Houston, performing with other Houston legends-in-the-making, Coffin Grinder and Hideously Defleshed.

The exact time of Dead Yeti's performance is to be determined.

Dead Yeti is Cow Boris (vocals), Bookworm (drums), Incest (bass), and [New Guy] (guitar).